Sideswiped: The comfort of nostalgia

Mortgage albatross around your neck? Beau is Afraid, don't stop arguing with people, AI is coming for our old photographs and another cheap and nutritious recipe, to gently pat your insides.

Everyday nostalgia

Swinging high on the swings, using your cardigan und your knee so you could swing one leg round and round the monkey bars without getting a rash. Stencilled cover pages on your standard 4 projects, the lurid orange of the $5 note and the lunch order filled roll and cream bun. Nostalgia is a comfort if we don’t look too closely.

Buying and hanging onto to it

The number of homeowners behind on their mortgage repayments rose to more than 21,800 in January this year and over half of mortgage serfs are facing a massive hike when the come off their fixed interest rates this year.

So two problems, not falling off the ladder half way up and stretching like a pilates instructor just to get on the bottom rung.

According to The Guardian, the income you need to buy a house & avoid housing stress in Aus cities: Brisbane $178k Sydney $293k Melbourne $189k Adelaide $163k Hobart $148k Perth $140k Darwin $124k Canberra $205k.

So, what’s it like in our land-of-the-low-wage-economy?

Canstar’s latest research shows Auckland households need to earn a whopping $240,279 to be able to afford an median-priced house ($1,052,000) and repay the mortgage at current rates without going into *mortgage stress.

Given that this is over $90,000 more than the average Auckland household income, it means new homeowners will face mortgage stress unless they can save considerably more than a 20% deposit or set their sights on a cheaper home.

The next most expensive regions in terms of mortgage stress are Tasman and Bay of Plenty, and, overall, across the motu, the average household faces a shortfall of around $50,000 in the annual income needed to purchase a median-priced home. Only three regions – Gisborne, Southland and West Coast – deliver numbers in the black.

A table of all regions here.

* Mortgage stress, which is defined as having to spend over a third (33%) of pre-tax household income on mortgage repayments.

We are in a recession, but as Hooton points out it’s more like stagflation, where incomes drop off a cliff, our standard of living hits the skids all while inflation continues to bogart that joint.

Three of the 32 government ministries are stripping 760 people of their livelihood, so it's only just begun, as Karen Carpenter would say.

But wait there’s more.

A deep dive into New Zealand’s housing history whereby Henry Cooke explains how we got to where we are and if Chris Bishop has a shit show in hell of digging us out of this.

…The only actual policy Bishop has committed to thus far is a reversal of a widely praised bipartisan move from the last government – one which forced councils to allow for densely packed townhouses in every major city in the country. Independent analysis suggested the policy would add up to 105,000 dwellings to our housing stock.

This reversal was made under serious political pressure from existing homeowners and the Government’s coalition partner, ACT.

Read the full story here.

Brutal bedspread

Found on Ali Express and posted on Twitter and investigated by Spinoff journalist, Stewart Sowman-Lund, this magnificent microfleece blanket with a picture of the Palmerston North Council Building. He also found a dress with the Beehive on it and gang memorabilia on throw pillows.

My Entertainment Consumption

Live Theatre: There’s something so in-your-face about live theatre. You can’t hit pause, compose yourself with a trip to the pantry/bathroom/wine bottle. You can’t distract yourself from feeling stuff.

The Sun and the Wind by Tainui Tukiwaho centres around a koro and kuia, still dealing with grief and trauma of losing their son to suicide.

It’s a moving and affecting story and pitch perfect performances. This week the play in in Whangarei (26/27/28 March at ONEONESIX) and then 24/25/26 April in Hamilton at The Meteor.

Film on Netflix: Beau is Afraid. And rightfully so. This horror comedy from A24, directed by Ari Aster (Hereditary/Midsommar) is a terrifying ride through someone’s k-hole nightmare that lasts 3 hours.

Joaquin Phoenix stars as Beau, anxious with some oedipal issues, who is trying to get home for his mothers funeral, but circumstances (or his own reluctance) hinder him at every turn, in the most brutal ways.

My god the entire opening was art,” exclaims a fan on Reddit. “It was one of the most accurate filmic representations of anxiety I have seen. Aster really knows how to depict, uhh, altered states”

Another marveled at Joaquin Phoenix's performance, especially his eye acting, saying “there were so many great shots where we are just staring into them, watching the thoughts (and emptiness; terror) behind his glazed eyes.”

Mad as a cut snake in places, deeply poetic in some and dark the entire way through.

Game: Bananagrams is a great short game that you can play as many rounds as you like. Especially good when you’ve run out of small talk or just don’t want to rehash the truamatising decisions of a coalition government.

Read: In another ‘hacket job’(*sarcasim alert) Andrea Vance says Luxon is “still looking at the political world through the cognitive bias of his experience in the corporate environment”. And it’s doing him no favours.

History revised by AI

A photo archivist worries that AI is coming for our old photographs.

I'm not referring to the obviously fake ones that are created for the sake of humor or artistic expression. If you come across a picture of Napoleon giving a TED Talk or Mata Hari taking a selfie with an iPhone, chances are you're not going to mistake it for a genuine historical photo. The real danger lies in those images that are crafted with the explicit intention of deceiving people — the ones that are so convincingly realistic that they could easily pass for authentic historical photographs… But hey, maybe I'm just being overly dramatic. It's not like there are people out there who might want to, oh, I don't know, intentionally manipulate history to fit their own political agenda or anything. Right?”

This is fascinating. Read more of The Colour of Time with Marina Amaral here.

Arguing with people

Say Alice strongly believes X. You give devastating evidence that X is in false. How often will Alice turn around and say, “You’re right, I’m wrong, X is wrong.”?

Words do not exist that will make people do that. (Aside from a few weirdos who’ve intentionally cultivated the habit.) But if you make a good case and leave her some room for retreat, you may find that Alice’s position is a bit softer the next time X comes up in conversation.

Read the full list of Things That Don’t Work here.

One pot brocolli pasta

No offense, but brocolli needs to be smothered in sauce to be edible, so here’s a dish that will do just that. Short pasta is in for this one, so use Penne, Conchiglie (shells) or Fusilli or Macaroni. Use cheddar if mozzarella is too expensive.

• 3 tbsp olive oil

• 2 garlic cloves finely sliced

• 1/2 brown onion finely diced

• 3 cups chicken or vegetable stock 24oz

• 1 cup heavy cream 8oz

• 1 broccoli florets and stems, finely sliced

• 300 g small pasta 10oz

• 60 g mozzarella 2oz (grated)

• 60 g parmesan 2oz (grated)

Sauté the garlic and onion for 3 minutes, while stirring often, until fragrant and translucent.

Add the stock, cream, broccoli, and pasta to the pot and stir well. Bring to the boil then reduce the heat to medium. Stirring occasionally, keep the water at a rapid boil for 8 minutes or until 80% of the liquid has been absorbed by the pasta and the pasta is cooked el dente.

Reduce the heat to low and stir through the mozzarella and parmesan. Serve immediately.

NOTES: If you want some oomph, add some chilli. For a bit of salty umami, mingle a few anchovies when sauteing the onion and garlic. Any leftover protein or squeeze-o-lemon or herb it up with a mutilation of parsley or basil.